White fog, black mist
What hides behind it
  all?
Tears of heartbreak?
Tears of disgrace?
Black clouds, gray mist
Heart's already broken, so
  nothing matters
No more sunny days
  since you've gone away
I wish I could
  say more, but my
  words are left unsaid.
 

(Day 11) Lampshade

Lampshade just lying there
  on the chair
It was use as
  a weapon against my
  face
Lampshade, lampshade, I can't
  take another
Lampshade, lampshade, look what
  you did to my
  mother
You made her a
  monster
Poor little lampshade, I
  can't look at another.

Have you ever felt confused....like you don't really understand what to do....Go this way,Go that way,Do this,Do that.......

I keep convincing myself
  it wasn't real
I keep convincing myself
  it didn't happen
Won't you say it
  didn't happen?
Won't you say it
  wasn't real?
I keep convincing myself
 it's not worth my
 tears
I can keep convincing
  myself it wasn't real,
  but deep down I
  know it was.

Bruise

Black, blue, purple too
Pains that won't go
 away
One on my right
  leg, one on my
  left
There's a bruise here
  and there
Don't you see dear,
  they won't disappear.

Every time I try to
  forget, it comes back
Over and over again,
  like a melody in
  my head
Why won't you go
  away?
Why won't you forget
  me?
Don't come back
Don't ever call me
  again
I want to forget
  you
I want you to forget
  me
The worst mistake I
  ever made was you
  in my life.

SEX

Pleasure, passion, lust
Is it right?
Does it feel good?
Baby one minute, pushing
  the next
Diseases spread, now your
  dead
Is it worth the
  pleasure now?
Is it worth the
  lust now?
Is it worth the
  passion now?
Sex is not worth
  it, if it's not
  love.

Mistakes

There's some mistakes I've
  made that can't be
  forgiven
There's secrets in my
  closet, you won't understand
Those mistakes are my
  secrets, won't you understand
My mistakes are worst
  then yours
My mistakes are locked
  in a dark closet
  and that's where they
  must stay.

I'm broken, I'm shattered
Find my pieces, glue
  them back together
Make me feel like
  a mother
Make me feel like
  a lover
Make me feel like
  a friend
I'm broken, I'm shattered,
  make me whole again.

(Day 10)

Money, flashy cars, is
  it all really worth
  having?
Loud music, having sex,
  catching diseases, is it
  worth dying?
Selling drugs, living on
  the streets, going to
  prison
Is that a life
  worth living?
Gold in your mouth,
  wow really that ain't
  cool
Make a change for
  it's too late.

Is it better to be loved, then not be love at all?

Have you ever really wonder where life would take you or where you would end up in the future? Have you thought about who you may want to spend your life with or if you want to spend it alone?

Have you really thought about the things around? Like really took a breathe, sat down underneathe a tree and looked out at the world ahead of you? Have you pictured life without yourself in it sometimes? Have you dreamed that this may not be your life to live after all?

Is anyone out there who understands where I am coming from? Is there anyone out there who feels the same way? Is there anyone out there who just truly just think about life as it passes by day after day, week after week, month after month? If so, can you feel it? If so, do you let it frighten you at times? If so, your not alone just listen to me.

(Day 9) Lost

I can't find my
  way
Do I go left?
Do I go right?
Am I real?
Am I fake?
I feel so lost
  in this body
In my body?
Do you know me?
Can you help me
  find my way out?
I feel so lost.

Tell me something if love hurts so bad why do we fall in love then? Do we need someone that bad? Do you really love them like you say? So many questions?????

Falling, falling, i try to grab hold of the objects around me but i can't seem to reach so yet i still fall with nothing left to catch.

Death

I'm screaming
Is this my body?
Why does it feel
  so cold?
Why do I look
  so pale?
What's going on?
Am i dead?
I can't be
I see myself, I
  see you
I need a hug
Can you hear me?
I think I'm dead
I can't be dead,
  but yet that's my
  body lying there from
  one drink
My death, your loss,
  my body, my cold.

My Choice

You say it takes
  one drink to make
  you hooked
But your wrong
My first drink will
  always be my last
One drink can kill
  you
So stop while you
  still can
My choice is to
  never to pick up
  a drink again
What's yours?
Figure it out before
  it's too late.

I sit, I wonder
  "what's down there"?
Are there people like
  me?
I'm stuck in a
  room, I want to
  be free
Someone rescue me?
  anyone please?
Waiting for my prince
Save me, take me
  away
I want to live,
  I want to see,
  I want to have
  fun
Can you save me?
Can anyone please save
  me?
I'm stuck in a
  room, awaiting my handsome
  prince, is it you?

Such a beautiful thing
Why must people turn
  away?
It's so delicate, so
  fragile
Why must people turn
  away?
Why must people groan
  in disgust?
Do they not see
  the beauty I do?
I guess not
It's so beautiful, so
  precious
Why must I be
  the only one to
  see this?

Love

What is love?
Funny, sweet, passionate, tears
What is love?
My love is sweet,
  passionate, unforgettable, heartaches, tears,
  but that's love
How would you know
  what love is truly
  if you never fight
Love is never perfect
I can't tell you
  what love is, you
  have to discover the
  joy for yourself
My love is truly
  sweet
How is yours?

(Day 8)

New places, new faces,
  new people, new homes
Do they want me?
Do they love me
  like their own?
Why must I move
  again?
Did I do something
  wrong?
I didn't mean to
I want a real
  family
Someone to hold me when
  I get scared
Someone to kiss me
  goodnight
Packing again
Leaving behind friends, people,
  schools
Will I ever succeed?
Will someone at least
  keep me long enough
  to care?
New homes, new friends,
  new faces, new places
I cry out, will
  it stop?

Life sucks sometimes you know.... Never know which way the world will point you... You just hoping it's the right direction though,don't you ever feel like that

Greatest Fear

Have you ever feared
  of being alone?
I have
To be alone in
  the world, where no
  one cares is my
  greatest fear
What's yours?

Alone

Have you ever felt
  left behind?
Have you ever felt
  abandon by the one
  you love?
Have you ever felt
  scared, alone, neglected?
I have
Ever since he left
  I felt so alone
Can you take my
  hand?
Can someone, anyone take
  my hand?
I feel so alone
  without you here
I just feel so
  neglected like the hallways
  in school
So neglected, so abandon,
  so alone like me.

Her cold, wrinkled, clamy
  hands striking across my
  face
The hatred in her
  eyes toward me
Her eyes burning red
Is she crazy?
Am I not pretty?
Am I worth nothing?
The bruises the pain
  the busted lip
I try to love
  her, but all i
  feel is hatred
Everybreath I take,
  still nothing but hate
Does she care?
No, never, not at
  all
So why should I?

Afterlife

Are you stuck?
Is it blank?
There's a god, I
  know it
He takes you where
  your suppose to go
It's the afterlife
Heaven or Hell?
You choose in the
  beginning, he chooses in
  the end
It's the afterlife, you
  decide your faith.

(Day 7) The Mystery Man

He sits at his
  window
The light gleaming behind
  him
He just sits, stares,
  and watches the world
  pass by
Does he see me?
Does he fear?
The mystery man in
  the window, I can't
  help but stare
I wonder what he's
  thinking
Does he ever come
  down from there?
The mystery man in
  the window, I can't
  help but stare.

Would You?

The ring, the marriage,
  the life, the baby
Would you throw it
  all away for someone
  else?
Happiness, love, joy, passion
Would you throw it
  all away for something
  sweeter then love?
Joy, laughter, heartaches, tears
Would you throw it
  all away to feel
  someone else?
Tell me would you
  throw away something you
  once had for something
  new and fresh?
Now tell me would
  you?

Leaving Home

The precious memories gone
  by like the dust
  floating in the air
Leaving home is hard
Home cooked meals, laughing,
  joking, going out
Leaving home is pain
People yelling, screaming, fighting,
  love your family
Leaving home is the
  hardest thing anyone could
  do
When you leave at
  least let them know
  you care.

Birthdays

Another day, another year,
  another day you get
  older and the world
  gets colder
Cakes, presents, joys of
  laughter fill the air
Happy Birthday to me
A year passes by,
  your another year older
Less cake, less people,
  less laughter, but another
  year older
Birthdays what a drag
Less parties, less presents,
  less joy, less family
The joy of getting
  older but the fear
  of losing your family
Birthdays can be joyful
  but hurtful at the
  same time.

Invisible

Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
I'm walking now, do
  you care?
It's like I'm invisible,
  who cares?
I scream, do you
  hear me?
Can you see me?
Can you feel me?
I feel like I
  don't exist
I feel so alone
Nothing there, like a
  ghost in the air
I'm invisible to the
  world around me.

Does she love herself?
What does she wear?
Does she stare into
  her future?
How does she experience
  life?
Will she ever be
  able to conceive?
Is her life worse
  then mine?
So may questions about
  her, so little time
So curious, but clueless
  really.

Don't you ever dream
  about your future?
Don't you ever feel
  like nothing's real?
Are you scared of
  what your future may
  hold?
Is your future what
  you imagined it to
  be?
Are you what you
  imagined to be?

A few more pages to go then i will be finished with my book finally and i will be working on another one and that will be call The Effects Of Love.

Happiness

You can find it
Can you hold it?
It all depends on
  you
Can you feel it?
Do you want to?
Happiness is an emotion

  you see.

Holding My Breath

One, two, three, four
  am I dead yet?
Five, six, seven, eight
  still sitting, still breathing
Am I going to
  die soon from holding
  my breath?
Not quit sure
Not quit yet
Can I please die
  sooner from holding my
  breath!
 

(Day 6) Beat

She hides her face
  with make up
She's being beat every
  night
She hides her arms,
  while burning in the
  heat
She's being beat everyday
How to live with
  these foolish mistakes?
She's being beat everyday
She lays crying every
  night wanting to leave
She's being beat by
  the one she loves
She doesn't share passionate
  love
She's being beat every
  night and day
How to stop it?
What to say?
What to do?
Help those who are
  being beat, as well
  as yourself.

Live your life the way you want, don't live it the way people tell you.... But when they're something that will help your life in the future because it's right.

You always have that one special someone to love you when no one else does. So take it in, breathe it in. Your heart shouldn't be crushed or broken.

(Day 5) My First Kiss

My last kiss is
  nothing like my first
It was hard, rough,
  demanding, not passionate at
  all
I thought it was
  suppose to be romantic
I thought it was
  suppose to be smooth
  and sweet
Instead my first kiss
  was not worth having
  at all.

(Day 5) Getting Old

I glance in the
  mirror
I'm getting old
I glance in the
  mirror again, my pours
  are huge
My breast are sagging,
  my thighs are huge
Is this what it
  feels like to get
  old?
If this is so,
  I want to stay
  young forever.

(Day 5) Betrayal

You lied to me
  once, I forgave you
You lied to me
  again, I'm not loving
  it
I trusted you, you
  were my one true
  friend
Now your nothing to
  me, but a speck
  of sand
Your no longer my
  true best friend.

(Day 5) Rape, Rape, She Screams

She screams, she fights,
  she cries of great
  pain
This ain't love
Rape, Rape, She screams
He goes harder, harder,
  then he beats her
Rape, Rape, She Screams
Her life flashes before
  her, the deed is
  done
He laughs, for he
  got his fill
She feels hurt, used,
  disgusted
How did this happen?
Did she deserve it?
Two weeks later stuck
  with a problem
Nine months later pushing
  the life out
She's a mother at
  only fourteen
What's to become of
  her life?
No father, no mother,
  no family what so
  ever
What should she do?
Her life will never
  be the same
Still till this day
  she screams rape, but
  no hears her.

The hardest thing to let go is my pain. Why have pain in the first place? Why suffer through it alone?, I ask myself. But sometimes i remember i don't always suffer through it alone. I have god by my side even though things may not always feel so right. Even when my heart hurts i got him to hold me and pick me up when I'm down.


Remember if you can't depend on anyone else you got the heavenly father above. No matter what the problem maybe, you always have him to call on. Even when your own father says he will always be there for you or mother and their not, you got god and that's truely all you need.

my hands and if i let it fall then everyone is gone. Out of my life. Friends, family, the ones i love. What am i suppose to do then?

When the whole world feels like it's falling, what are you suppose to do? Catch it so the whole world weighs you down? Well that's what i feel. I got world in

(Day 4) Love Affair

She sits and waits
  till her husband leaves
Then her secret lover
  takes her away
She screams, moans, with
  great pleasure
She doesn't know her
  husband is watching
It's a sweet love
  affair to her
To him it's not
  worth living
He puts a gun
  to his head all
  from some stupid love
  affair.

(Day 4) Forgetting You Again

When I finally tried
  to forget you
You messaged me, to
  ask me why I
  lied
I knew that wasn't
  true
I knew there was
  more to say
Just leave me alone
Just leave me be
I finally forgot everything
  about you
But you couldn't leave
  me be
All from just one
  message sent
Now I have to
  forget what you meant.

(Day 4) First Love

I thought you were
  my first love
But you only wanted
  what was in my
  pants
I thought you were
  my first love
But love can't be
  lust
My first love was
  no love at all.

(Day 4) My Reflection

Sometimes I see myself
  everywhere
But every time I do
  I jump with fear
My own reflection scares
  me I don't know
  why
Maybe the fear of
  my past is reflecting
  on how I see
  myself now
How do you see
  yourself in a mirror?
What do you mean
  to yourself exactly?

(Day 4) He Cries WAR

I fight this war
I fight it for
  you and me
He cries WAR
You wouldn't believe the
  things I've seen
You wouldn't believe the
  things i had to
  do to survive
He cries WAR
I saw the innocent
  die in vein
I saw friends and
  family die
He cries WAR
The last soldier finally
  stands alone
He cries the war
  is over
I fought for my
  nation but I'm no
  hero.

It takes someone with determination and courage to express their feelings to everyone and be able to encourage them also. Keep your head up.

I sit and wonder to myself is there a way out truly or is it fake? It can't be. Everything is real to me. It's just so fast, flys by like time.

Life is so wonderful at times so daring. When life gets you down, just pick yourself up and keep moving because tomorrow is never promise but today says it all.

The hardest thing anyone could ever go through is abuse. Well it's not the hardest, only if it's by the people you love and care about. But you know one thing, it's what becomes of you that makes you the better person.

you may that special or you may love your family dearly but suffering through it all by yourself isn't the answer. I would know. I was beat up until the age of 11 and i am doing so much better. It was alot of trail and tribulations but with god's help and other important in my life now, i wouldn't have made it through.

Just think of it as a journey, your trying to find your way through the right path but something always wants to stand in your way. But just remember push it aside because it's another day your alive. Please find help for it's too late for you. Everyone deserves a better life even though you may not always think so. A chance is waiting for you to succeed with you find it?

Day 3 (Poem 3 Abuse) (Beat)

She hides her face
  with make up
She's being beat every
  night
She hides her arms,
  while burning up in
  the heat
She's being beat everyday
How to live with
  these foolish mistakes
She's being beat everyday
She lays crying every
  night, wanting to leave
She's being beat by
  the one she loves
She doesn't share passionate
  love, only hate
She's being beat every
  night and day
How to stop it?
By ending her own
  life?
Never
What to say?
Not wanting to lose
  what she has
What to do?
Just pray
Help yourself and the
  ones you love today.

It took me awhile to overcome the pain and suffering. Although i may never forget, i will always forgive that person. I'm going to be strong. You can too. :)

Abuse itself is a tragic thing anyone could experience. But you know you always find that very person to lean on and talk to. Don't be discourage.

This my poetry will be based upon abuse. I will change the topic every week but the topic itself will be based upon life situations.

Day 2 (Poem 2 Abuse) (Hot Water)

Hot water in my
  face
Hot water on my
  feet
Hot water I must
  stand
Hot water I can't
  close my eyes to
  sleep
Over and over she
  drips my face back
  in
My face as red,
  as red can be
Screaming, crying, trying to
  free
Hot water, hot water
  why must you do
  this to me?

Day 2 (Poem 1 Abuse)

Bruises here, bruises there
Hiding them, holding them,
  covering them
Not telling no one
Going home, being beat,
  night after night crying
  myself to sleep
Screaming in my head,
  cursing the father above
Father's barley home
Where's my hero?
Where's my number one?
Crying out in pain
Being beat during the
  day
Being beat during the
  night
Being beat for nothing
  you see
I'm worthless, I'm nothing,
  I'm nobody to her
  but a punching bag.